Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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