Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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