My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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