i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
