i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
