so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
