sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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