I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
