I got chris browned last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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