I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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