i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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