After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
