but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
