I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
