Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
