I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
