there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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