My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we're making bets on your personal life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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