The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
