I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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