I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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