I just saw a hot homeless man
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
