are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize