New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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