I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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