Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
