I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
