I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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