I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
