Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
