this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
