dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
