just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
