margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
