I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They took my balls.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
