I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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