Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
