i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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