Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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