Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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