maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
