so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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