So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
