Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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