Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
