All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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