I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
