she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
