there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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