sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
