You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
love makes seman taste better
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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