I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
