I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
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You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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