I am spending my child support on dildos
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
