I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
