So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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