so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
