Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
