i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
