You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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