can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
