Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
