I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
